The Funky Panther
The Funky Panther podcast: Chad, Javier, and Tim deliver high-energy, hilarious banter with random commentary, raunchy humor, and featured guests. Join the fun for an hour-long show that takes you on a refreshing, informative journey through the colorful world of music, news, arts, and entertainment.
The Funky Panther
Ambulances, Immigrants, and Abbott’s THC Flip-Flop
We’re back, btches. After a short summer break filled with meat sweats and mental breakdowns, the Funky Panther trio returns to shove brisket, burnout, and batsht headlines right into your earholes. Chad, Javier, and Tim go full Texas savage, starting with the 2025 BBQ rankings—DFW’s laying pipe all over the state, with Goldee's and Dayne's making mouths (and arteries) explode. We build the ultimate meat plate that would make a cardiologist cry. #BBQPorn #TexasMeatCult
Then Tim has a corporate meltdown on mic. His desk job gets eaten and now he’s back in an ambulance, wrestling death and existential dread while pretending this is all fine. Spoiler: it’s not. #CorporateHell #ParamedicProblems #MidlifeCrisis
Javier dives into the international paintless dent mafia—yes, a real thing—where Italians and Brazilians get flown in like storm-chasing mercenaries to fix Texas hail damage while dodging visa drama and sketchy middlemen. It’s capitalism, but make it Fast & Furious. #DentLife #ImmigrantHustle #TexasStormMoney
Things spiral fast:
🚗 Self-driving Teslas plotting murder
🍁 Abbott vetoing THC like it’s the 1950s
✈️ Plane crash survival tips from dudes who definitely wouldn’t survive
🚽 And the crown jewel—someone literally stole an 18-karat gold toilet named "America" from a palace. If that doesn’t summarize 2025, nothing does. #GoldToiletHeist #AmericanDreamMyAss #WTFNews
Oh, and JaeBoy calls in with music updates that make us question our own life choices. Again.
This episode’s got meat, madness, and mild existential terror. Buckle up—or cancel us. Either way, we’re flattered.
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Tell me something, my friend you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight. There is no way to defeat the devil. There is no way to defeat the devil With the right to kill the king. You shall be able to destroy the children to the end of time. I'm trying to fuck, I'm trying to fuck, I'm trying to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Intro:I don't go to fucking Italy and say hey give me the hamburger. And you're like fuck this burger. All right, the time's up, y'all ready. I don't know, we're just waiting on you. All right, we're two minutes in.
Javier:Donkey Panther sucking everyone off.
Intro:It's not though. We got to start the show. We got to start the show we gotta start the show.
Tim:I mean, just leave it. Just leave it, it's fine.
Javier:It's okay. Yeah, it's fine.
Intro:Oh hello everyone, and welcome to the Funky Panther Coming to you from Fort Worth, texas. We have got a hell of a show for you here on episode 199. So sit back, relax, try to enjoy and let's get into it. I'm Chad, I'm Javier and I'm Tim and we are the Bunker Defender.
Tim:Yeah, so it's been a minute since we've been on.
Intro:Happy summer everyone. It wasn't my fault.
Tim:No, no, it was not Chad's fault. This time it was Javier's fault. This time it was my fault.
Javier:I'm sorry, I had cat issues Cat urgency.
Tim:I had a cat urgency. This summer's not been great for us. Much like last summer, it seems like. Yeah, shit, it has already been a year it seems like, yeah, um, shit, it has already been a year. Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, it's been a year. Uh, it'll be a year august 12th since my, since my mom died, um, so, yeah, we got that coming up, uh, but that was when we were like missing and we just couldn't do the show very much and all that, and then we had ac issues.
Tim:Um not too long ago which I got that fixed, so that was oh, you were out of town. You were, uh, in italy well, no, no, no, he was not. What are you talking?
Javier:about yeah, whenever the ac first, when it first went out.
Intro:No here, yeah, here oh no wait, this year, last year, I don't know what you're talking about he was he was not out of town.
Javier:He was because he was. I was gonna get mcdonald's because I was hungry and you're like, okay, we can't record, were you, were you.
Tim:I don't know, man, I don't remember, I don't know, but we had AC issues and then cat issues and then just general life, and a lot has happened over the course of the past couple of months. I'm now a robot. I've got a robot penis now. I had that surgery.
Intro:Is that a surgery?
Javier:Sit on my face.
Tim:It's a new surgery. Sit on my face Interesting.
Javier:Did we watch Grandma's Boy?
Tim:I watched Grandma's Boy not that long ago.
Javier:Did we watch it in Fredericksburg?
Tim:Yeah, we did, I put it on. That's good times.
Javier:Sit on my face. Anywho, how are y'all boys doing Happy summer? Yeah, we did. Might have I put it on. Yeah, that's good times. Yeah, I was in all my ways. Anywho, how are y'all boys doing Happy summer?
Intro:Happy summer.
Tim:Happy summer, the summer solstice happened.
Javier:It feels like summer.
Tim:Had the longest summer day.
Javier:Longest penis, longest summer penis in history Couple days or not.
Tim:Couple days A couple weeks ago.
Javier:No, it was last week.
Tim:Last week, yeah, had a lot of things, so it's officially summer now.
Javier:Did you do a couple of solstices? Did you sacrifice babies?
Tim:No, but I drove around a Pontiac Solstice.
Javier:Oh hell, yeah, yeah, I did. Yes, that's good.
Tim:I had to find it on Turo. This episode sponsored by T.
Javier:True, by driving other people's cars, turo, let me ask you, would you jump on that bandwagon?
Tim:What Like start a Turo? I don't know what Turo is. It's a rental thing where, instead of renting cars from big conglomerates, it's like renting a car Airbnb style. Oh okay, we don't like conglomerates, so Airbnb for cars yeah, got it.
Javier:So, real quick, I just want to say again, reiterate if you're watching this live, our number is 817-677-0408. Again, that's 817-677-0408. If you happen to call us while we're alive, we will take your call live. It's fun. Are you going to call right now, while we're alive? While we're alive. I have a gun here and I will kill everyone if you don't call Hope you. I have a gun here and I will kill everyone if you don't call hope you like being dead everyone anywho. So what's everyone on to?
Tim:well, I'll ask Chad a question, if he would, if he would rent his car out on tour.
Javier:I'm sorry, it's the attention deficit.
Intro:Yeah, I get it. I would rent someone's car yeah, you would rent someone's car. I would rent someone's car instead of going to like enterprise or whatever. However, I've been thinking about this a lot recently. The whole like tesla, me too the the cyber cab situation yeah, I thought about this.
Javier:They're different, though, right, they're different, uh, like models of tesla.
Intro:So what they're testing in austin right now. They're using the uh model y or whatever, okay, um, but they are going to have, like, I guess, two versions. They're using the Model Y or whatever, okay, but they are going to have, like I guess, two versions they're going to have, like, a cab that won't even have a steering wheel.
Intro:It's like a I guess two-person, I think vehicle, or at least it's two-door, and they're going to have like a van situation too. But you can potentially get a Model Y and rent it out as a cyber cab or whatever.
JaeBoy:Would you do that? Would you buy a car and then let it drive around and make?
Tim:you money? Yeah, if it is an investment pro, yeah. Yeah, I think I think I would. But how does it charge? Do you have to go then charge it, or does it?
Intro:I don't know. I have a feeling they chose the tesla y. It's one of the larger ones, right, it's not the x, it's not the suv version, but it's like just under yeah and so I have a feeling it's got like a long distance to charge.
Tim:It looks kind of bulbous Like have you ever looked at it Like it's?
Javier:like the Oscar it's very like yeah.
Tim:Yeah, I mean no Tesla vehicle is beautiful. I think the. I think the Model S. The Model S looks good. I would want the Y or X.
Intro:Like I would want You're letters. I'm I don't know. I mean, that's all their things.
Javier:I thought you would know, man, you like all about the, the cyber truck. At first I was. I got my money back from that, by the way. Nice, well done. Yeah, it was like dinner on a friday night, yeah I'm thinking um.
Tim:Have you seen the stuff with slate, like the slate electric vehicles?
Intro:oh yeah, slate, yeah, yeah. So slate is a bezos thing, right?
Tim:right, but it's a it's's kind of like a modular truck that you can do some different things with, but it's very bare bones. It's in direct competition with China's cheap EVs.
Javier:Power on. Hey, on the group chat, the Waymos in Austin are really weird. I can't really handle looking over and there isn't a driver. Plus, it's confusing on where you should sit when it picks you up.
Tim:Yeah, that's weird, I would sit right up in the front seat.
Javier:Yeah, would you no?
Tim:Have you seen the Waymos getting taken over. Not taken over but like stopped in, like San Francisco.
Javier:Like pulled over.
Tim:Yeah, so people, no, no, no, no.
Javier:People will step out in front of the Waymo and make them stop, and then they start tagging and spray painting and like holding you hostage.
Tim:Essentially, it's like lost in new york, or yeah, or it's like, um, uh, what police academy with the whole like, uh, that was that police academy's on patrol.
Javier:Yeah, yeah, is that four?
Tim:or three man, I can't remember yeah, with bob cat bob goes.
Javier:The first one's bobcat yeah and they uh, they spray the.
Tim:you know they spray the police cars down and you know the commandant comes in.
Intro:He's all got his hair dyed now because he was held hostage, essentially Dude if Tesla comes, if they move on from Austin to DFW, I'm totally going to swap out my vehicle and get a Tesla.
Tim:You saw that Trump is now threatening to deport Elon. Yeah, it's fucking wild.
Javier:This is the worst timeline, the reality that we live in. This is Elon. Yeah, it's fucking wild.
Intro:This is the reality that we live in. This is the worst timeline. It's so wild, but I was thinking, like it sucks driving to work. Right, it's an hour to an hour and 20 minutes to drive to work. Dude, you should get a Tesla. If I was to get a Tesla and it drove me to work, I wouldn't even have to pay for parking.
Javier:I would just get out and let it do its thing all day. Oh, now, that would be a good thing if you were to just leave it.
Tim:Oh, if you go to work the cab mode, yeah, yeah, that'd be cool also sarish and I were out the other night and, uh, we had a cocktail.
Intro:We don't I feel like we don't go out nearly I haven't been to um river usual, oh the usual in a long time and so we had a couple cocktails there after dinner and and that's all we had. But it's like, oh man, we could keep drinking if we had a self-driving car right?
Tim:No, Actually. No, you can still get a DWI Now. It'd be hard to because it's driving you home.
Intro:I mean you can get drunk in a Waymo. So I disagree with you.
Tim:But the Waymo has the steering wheel all blocked off and all that stuff, whereas the Tesla, as of right now, the way the Tesla's set up is that you have to still be able to take over the vehicle. That's the whole thing.
Intro:Tesla's got the remote drivers, just like Waymo, where you shouldn't ever have to drive.
Tim:They're going to remote into it if they absolutely need to, and like pilot it from bfe? I don't know. So let me ask how do I get?
Javier:that job. Can I be right? I want to be a remote driver. Do you like uh have to waive certain rights when you get into, like those self-driving vehicles, like because they obviously have to have cameras inside?
Tim:right, the privacy? Yeah, you can't. I mean you can fuck in the back of one, but but like you got to pay a hefty cleaning charge, and they're going to see it right they're going to see it. They're going to see it shaken so I I I bet you it's happened I, I'm sure it has.
Intro:It's gonna be a wild like. There's gonna be all sorts of. I have a ton of questions like I. I have so many questions about you-driving vehicles, but we're just a couple of years probably from this being like remember how uber started? It was like it started in austin, new york and like all these big cities, and all of a sudden it just fucking took off.
Javier:I can't remember when it started, but we just use it and it's. It's here, right? I don't remember when it came out or whenever. When uber eats came out, I was like do you remember?
Tim:favor, so that was like the I feel like favor was like the first.
Intro:It was the og right favor. Still a thing it's owned by hev yeah right, it was the og one yeah before uber eats and I remember um one of my friends using it.
Tim:We do. We used to use it on the ambulance all the time. We would pick a hospital because it was like you could you had boundaries, right, yeah, certain areas they couldn't deliver to, so we'd pick a a hospital. If we were transporting a hospital, we'd order shit on favor, have it delivered to the hospital and we'd go get food. It was real simple 20-minute transport and about 20 minutes for the food to be delivered. It worked out great every time.
Intro:But you're on a vehicle. Right but if we were driving? You can't just drive up to a jack-in-the-box.
Tim:Sometimes we could but like but if we were hungry, we wanted something good, you know yeah, okay, we would order on favor and just have it delivered to you know, harris or something, and just pick it up, right you've got someone on a curtain you're like hold on, wait a second right, right right let me sign for this.
Intro:I need to get my panini real yeah, that's me.
Tim:but I remember like my neighborhood was right, like it was was weird, like White Settlement Road.
Intro:Yeah.
Tim:To I don't want to give out my complete, you know address, right, but to a street down down there by a restaurant that was White Rock. That was OK, right. And then, but my neighborhood back, you couldn't. It was like we don't want the pores. Oh, that's what it seemed like, because, all because they had the nice houses, yeah, in those neighborhoods, and those neighborhoods were covered.
Intro:So it made no sense that my like boundary was I mean if they're the ones spending the money, right, you know, I guess but they didn't know how much money I was going to spend.
Tim:I spent a lot with uber eats.
Javier:Now, dude my my tax lady said you need to stop, you need to stop using app or uber yeah, I'm sure your tax lady did.
Tim:I've saved you so much money.
Intro:Bad example often about how you spent 25 on a breakfast burrito like a goddamn hoodlum. What is wrong with you?
Tim:I, I pretty much only use uber eats if I get it, if I get a deal like I buy those buy one, get one free shit. Like I'll use it for that, you know I.
Javier:I use the 7-eleven app often because you know you get money back whenever you use it. You can use money towards your orders and I, I always uh dustin's 100.
Tim:Right, it was our ambulance drivers ordering uber actually I double as an uber eats delivery person.
Javier:That's why my uncle passed away ambulance drivers ordering some.
Tim:Sometimes I have to uh make a stop to drop off the food before I even make it to the emergency wait, are you favoring?
Intro:while working?
Tim:I gotta make my money, let daddy have his hustle it.
Javier:It's so funny, man. I mean what crazy? I can't remember a time when we didn't. When did we start using like GPS on phones?
Intro:Looking back, I mean it was the first iPhone, so it was the first iPhone I remember. It was bad, it wasn't quite GPS, it was like triangulation. It knew you were somewhere on 35.
Tim:I triangulation. It knew you were somewhere on 35. I remember working at best buy and I had this like a compact, uh computers, oh, compact brand.
Javier:You're showing your age buddy, so it was a compact laptop and it didn't even have wi-fi.
Tim:I had to buy a wi-fi card oh yeah, of course put it there.
Intro:Yeah, but best buy in that slot, right? Yeah, it was specifically for the wi-fi card best buy sold a.
Tim:They sold a gps module and program for your laptop. They did I remember you had to put it on your on. You put it in like up on the dash, whatever yeah so I bought that um, because I got a discount and I bought a little power inverter to power my laptop and I used that bitch to get me from here to nakadoches wow to go to. I was visiting. I was visiting a friend at SFA.
Intro:You couldn't just use the paper map like the rest of us peasants, or print it out on MapQuest no.
Tim:I went ahead and bought all that. That's also the same time I went in crippling debt as a teenager because I had a. Best Buy credit card. And when you work at a place with a credit card, there you just start buying shit, yeah, and then you can't pay your bills. But yeah, I bought that. And I can't remember how much it was. It was probably 100 bucks or something like that.
Javier:You know, at the same time, Tom Toms and Garmins were out and they were like four to six hundred dollars.
Intro:Yeah, they were nuts.
Javier:And I worked in car audio and we sold those and like all these people like were buying them.
Tim:That was one of our big money, items that we would sell, but now they're like pretty much fucking obsolete.
Javier:They really are.
Tim:Kind of Well. So truckers still use them because they have specific GPSs for 18 wheelers to have, like, all the bridge clearances and things like that.
Intro:That makes sense yeah.
Tim:Which is nice. But yeah, I mean, why would I need a? I think last time I rented a car that was still an add-on. Like you could get a GPS, yeah, you still can when.
Intro:I was in Iceland.
Javier:And it's like 15 bucks a day and I'm like why, when I was in Iceland, did in your car, yeah, in iceland, yeah yeah, most cars now have a screen and it has apple carplay I know.
Intro:It's like they asked you for xm2. It's like are you kidding me? Like I don't need any of this bullshit, I got a phone on the on the group chat.
Javier:I've been ordering too much tiff streets lately. I get it. That's really good, especially whenever you order warm and they bring you the milk yeah I did buy uh tammy a uh. You know the uh valentine one where you get like a Kate Spade. Kate Spade, what's? The one on University Park that all the women like Kendra.
Tim:Scott, kendra, scott, yeah, yeah.
Javier:Had a Kendra Scott necklace that came with it.
Tim:Sometimes I think Dustin and I are the same person because, yes, he says Best Buy credit card and, being an employee, there was the downfall of his earlier credit history Same 100%.
Javier:I got the best advice when I got my first credit card, shout out to Anthony. He said, bro, max out that card the first day and then just start paying little by little. And I never paid it Like I was buying it. That's why I bought like PF flyers and I would go to American Eagle.
Intro:Max out that card. I thought his advice was just reporting stolen.
Javier:No, I did that. No, I did do that with uh here recently just commit credit card fraud.
Javier:It's fine, I did that recently with stitch fix, like cause, I was like I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't said put package under a the truck people will steal out of the front porch, and they never did. And so whenever I liked something, I'd be like, oh, it was stolen. And they're like where was it stolen from? I'm like, well, then there's a note that says put it underneath the truck. And no one ever did. And someone stole it. And then I was like, okay, I'm done with this.
Tim:So the way you spend your money do you just have like you should just have like of your siblings.
Intro:There needs to be studies on the way that you spend your money.
Tim:You should have a sibling steal it.
Javier:I did. This is what I did one time. I had a hoodie and I you know just to where you can only see this amount and I ran up there and I took the package and I ran away and saved the footage for my ring camera, you know. So just they're like, just in case you're like oh, I did uh, one time, like 14 years ago, with on a pair of jordans, and I was broke. I called nike and I said can I, can you send me another pair? And they're like sorry, sir, these were limited. There were the jordan 11, um, black cats or whatever. And they're like uh, well, we can't give you another copy or another pair, but we can give you money back. I'm like well, I hope so. This was a christmas present. I'm a piece of shit man. I'm a degenerate. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with me.
Tim:Wow, yeah, I mean, you've been a degenerate since day one I still am baby, yeah oh man, yeah, I like how this is like we just went off the rails on this yeah, I know we didn't talk about a normal like.
Intro:what have you all been up to? It's been a fucking month too, yeah so what have you been up to?
Tim:Planning a wedding, planning a?
Intro:wedding, getting married in less than two weeks now Up in Oregon and then we're going to have our honeymoon in Palermo. Harris, yeah, yeah, right, wait yeah. Isla Mujeres, yeah yeah.
Javier:Right.
Intro:Wait, yeah, isla Mujeres, no, the beach. Like we're going to go to Isla Mujeres. Why is it not Isla? Is it Isla, isla, isla, isla, isla Mujeres, no. So we found this resort. It's going to be pretty legit.
Tim:Pretty stoked about it looking for houses because we're looking to move to, probably like arlington, grand prairie or collieville time out, time out real quick.
Javier:Is that racist? Is that racist what you do have slick back hair, is it?
Intro:no, because you know I'm a degenerate and from the chat, apparently javier's a degenerate because of his hairstyle. Is that a knock on italians?
Javier:and mexicans that wear dickies, I mean if she's mexican calling you out for being mex.
Intro:Mexicans that wear dickies, I mean if she's mexican, calling you out for being mexican.
Javier:She is more mexican than me because she's from san antonio home of the home of the dirty river water, jesus christ, and then shack talks shit about the women in san antonio yeah, it's like uh shack talks shit about that.
Tim:And then what is it? The other? Co-host Barkley.
Intro:Oh, charles, barkley, Charles.
Javier:Barkley yeah, he talks shit about oh Chuck.
Tim:Yeah, Chuck talks shit about Houston, about Galveston specifically she said it's from.
Javier:I Think you Should Leave.
Intro:When.
Javier:What episode was that? I don't remember.
Intro:I don't know, dude, we still got to watch which I've got.
Tim:Friendship. It's on the Plex.
Javier:Oh, it is, yeah, I have one for you.
Intro:What the Detective Pikachu with Ryan Reynolds?
Tim:That's good. I'm sure I can find it.
Javier:You can't find it anywhere, so I'm requesting yeah, I got you.
Intro:Oh, the Sloppy Steaks skit. Oh, such a good one that's a great one I I interviewed for a job today did you same company, different org. Uh, hopefully more money did you?
Javier:get that burger flipping job at griff's. It would be really cool, how'd you?
Intro:know, boo wouldn't. I'm moving my way up from register to cook. Is that right or is that?
Tim:back. I don't know I'm making more right cook right. I think it'd be really cool if, uh this job puts you in that old creepy building, uh in fort worth.
Intro:Yeah, come on, I would love that. I don't know why they can't. I mean they can, but it's whatever, it doesn't matter. Yeah, fuck them.
Tim:But I mean, an office building is an office building, right, right, yeah, oh right yeah, I'm, just I'm, I feel.
Intro:Have you ever had that feeling where it's just like little, like life's good, right, we, we have great lives.
Javier:We're alive, we're fortunate, whatever we're fucking great.
Intro:But then you get in these like bits where it's like one little thing hits at you and then another thing hits at you. You're like I just need to fucking win.
JaeBoy:Yeah.
Intro:I just need to win, because this little thing, this little thing and they're all fucking you're going gonna forget about him in a month like none of it matters, but when they're back to back it just seems like so much I needed a win and, man, I fucking killed that interview that's good about it. That was my. That was my dub for the for the months on their notes they put too eager piece of shit.
Intro:Acts like he likes his job let me tell you, I don't care if I get it or not. I'm just happy that I didn't bomb that interview. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Javier:Sorry guys, I just did some meth in the bag. That's why I'm acting like this. You can't fire me because I have a crippling addiction. Right right, what's wrong with?
Intro:that. What's wrong with that?
Javier:We can do better, want to do something.
Intro:All right, javier, what do you?
Javier:have to work for the most part. Obviously we didn't come on last week because a sick cat she's doing great. She just, just like with one of the other cats, jumped off. Wanted some daddy attention she always gets daddy attention and I actually I made a deal with God. I said I don't care if my teams win. If none of my teams that I like never win again and keep you healthy, then I'm fine, you're gonna be the reason why all of the teams fucking win.
Javier:All of your friends are going to hate you now I haven't bought shoes since December and the reason is because I was like I won't buy shoes as long as you keep everybody healthy. And nobody's been healthy, Everybody's been healthy.
Tim:So we'll start buying shoes again.
Javier:I've missed out on so many pairs that I've wanted, and the thing is, I'm so tempted.
Tim:Your bank account appreciates it, I'll get it.
Intro:I'm sure.
Javier:No, no, because we've paid at least $2,000 in vet bills.
Intro:Yeah, that's true, and still less than you spent on shoes.
Javier:Yeah, but then I get these alerts that are like oh, jordan 4 cements are back out, multiple pairs, multiple sizes, and mints are back out. Uh, you know multiple pairs, multiple sizes. And I'm like fuck, fuck, there's one pair of one, it's a jordan for cement and I love those, they're amazing. And the mars yard threes come out this year later on. So now I'm like well, fuck, like stupid, but I'll do it. I love my, I love my cat family yeah, but it's not real though.
Intro:Right like, you're not really like making a deal, no, no.
Javier:And tammy tells me tammy's like you don't.
Intro:She's like that's very sweet, but it doesn't work like that, just be be a human, be a smart human and do what you want to do. Yeah, I know, but there was that, and then we got this, we got this.
Javier:We got this italian working at the shop and I we're talking about this earlier before we came on. Good worker, great guy. But you know, he's very like proud of being italian. He's like, uh, he's 26 years old and he's like I went to a place, uh, where you have a spaghetti. You know it was shit. This is the spaghetti here is shit. And then I went to pizza over at olivella's and I saw the meat on the pizza and I said what is this shit? And they said it's a meat of pizza. And he's like oh no, a meat of pizza doesn't exist. And you call pepperoni, pepper is not, and it's salami. And I'm just like, bro, you're just like shitting on everything. And he's like I had one good meal here, it's good barbecue down the street. And I'm like angelo's. He's like, yes, that's what it was called.
Intro:And I'm like, bro, that place is ass Dude we don't go to fucking Italy and say like hey, your burgers are shit, true, your barbecue's shit, yeah, fuck that guy.
Tim:I kind of want no hang on. I kind of want to take him out to something good.
JaeBoy:Take him to something good.
Tim:Like Dane's barbecue, or you know, drag his ass over there, be like hey, we're gonna show you actually what texas is about.
Javier:You go musolini eat this fucking delicious barbecue, which you know? I don't think he's no, because he said the olivellas. He said it was okay. He said the pasta was okay. And the stereotype is real. He's like I get home from work and I'm tired and I don't make a sandwich. You'll make sandwiches. I make a pasta, pasta, oil and salt and I eat that pasta. Every meal, a pasta. And I'm like oh, okay, cool, all right, super mario, tell me more. And another thing too. He was like you know, he has a handler. The handlers bring them here to work. They really don't have much tools. He has to use some of my tools. He used one of my hail lights and he fucked it up and, uh, his last days tomorrow because of that, his last day, his last days tomorrow, my life, you're out of here, you a motherfucker.
Tim:No, so javier called immigration on him yeah hey so first time mexicans called eyes no.
Javier:So he messed up one of my lights and and there was some things that he he's like this and I'm like bro, I'm like that I've had that thing for like three years and it's, it works, it worked. And so he went to go drop off uh, get another rental car because he has to go to oklahoma to drop off tools. So I went to his light that he had brought originally. I took the parts that he broke of my light and I just switched him out from his to mine because he wouldn't notice. And so he was packing his tools in the light inside his rental car and he was propping the light and then it just fell down and he just turned and looked at me and fell down. And he just turned and looked at me and I was looking at him. He turned and looked at me like whoop, okay, keep working, keep working. Is that how you work? Oh shit, it looks like I'm jacking off.
Intro:Yeah, it does.
JaeBoy:Okay sorry, sorry.
Javier:No, but I'm pushing, son of a bitch. How do you push dents? So then? So then I'm just like, oh fuck, he does not know I have a podcast. He does not know that these glasses actually translate italian to english. Oh shit live, were you hearing what he was saying? I was going to, but I'm like, ah, fuck it, he's not gonna be here much longer anyway, you know how long did he work for you?
Intro:two, three weeks, three weeks. So how do you like turn them out?
Tim:wait a second those things translate these three, these translate. They do live translate, so oh you have just sold me if you have been on the fence if you were speaking to me in spanish, it will.
Javier:That would never happen. It will type it out, it might, but also it'll like in your, in your ear, it'll tell you what they're saying.
Tim:So it's pretty cool, yeah I, I, I would like that for the spanish. I mean, I could use that at work. Actually, that'd be really cool do you have the? Camera. You have that camera on whenever it's translating, or no, no.
Javier:It goes off of the mic and it just says it tells you to look straight at them.
Tim:So that way it'll pick it up yeah, you sold, you sold me on that. I'm gonna write it off. It'll be a tax write-off shit.
Intro:They're actually what is it? Less than 300 bucks now, yeah, they're like 350.
Javier:Well then, you got to get lenses if you're gonna get yeah on the insurance right, you have a dent repair exchange program, pretty much like these guys they're.
Tim:They turn around on these yeah, because you get the guys from like you've got italy, brazil, spain, yeah um argentina.
Javier:How does?
Intro:that work. I'm actually very curious on this process, so like where are you acquiring these people and who chooses how long they work for you?
Javier:They have handlers and we know these handlers and they tell you that I have three guys.
Tim:They're coyotes, or what.
Javier:Pretty much, Pretty much Do they get paid. So when they work on a car they get 40%.
Tim:I'm going to take notes on this one.
Javier:They get 40% of the ticket for PDR for the hail. They don't get anything else.
Tim:So we take away, so the handler's getting 40% right off the top. No, no.
Javier:Let me break it down 40% of the PDR ticket we subtract from them off the top. Before we take the 40%. We take the $500 deductible. We subtract that off the total PDR amount and then we charge them a $300 shop fee Because I get paid $100 for every estimate that I write and so yeah, so bring your vehicle to quality paintless dent removal and let him write some fucking estimates.
Javier:Oh my God, We've had Rafael's car from 8, car from uh 817 for three weeks. State farm is behind really like I, yeah, I. Finally they approved it yesterday. Luckily he was in italy yeah, luckily he wasn't really yeah, and so I'm almost done with the car.
Tim:I think I have just the roof, the trunk and the hood to do and I should finish even if your car doesn't need shit done, just bring it in there so you can write an estimate bring it please, no, no no no, oh, I got another story about that too, so so these guys so we'll take after all that yeah 40 will 40, but we'll take the deductible and then we'll 300 shop fee and they get 40 of that.
Javier:So out of that 40 the handler gets 20 of that 40 okay for doing nothing, essentially doing nothing for bringing these guys in okay, I need to be a handler who gets the 60 the shop.
Intro:Oh so they shop fee other fees and then you still get 60.
Tim:Yeah, yeah, because I mean it's a. It is the shop that these guys are working for, so they're basically getting a.
Intro:I I understand we're bringing the cars.
Javier:No, no, but. But I'll tell you what. But if they?
Tim:can turn and burn a product man, they can Right. They're quick. They finish a car in a half a day.
Javier:Yeah, they're really fast, sometimes they're sloppy, sometimes they don't want to. They're I don't want to waste time working on this. It's, you know, taking too long and I got to work on these other cars. We're like, yeah, we get it, but you're getting paid to do this, so you know whatever does it get exhausting, like managing a team that's constantly rotating? It doesn't happen often the hail season is only like six months out of the year okay and you know, during this time we'll finish like maybe four or five hundred cars maybe more.
Javier:Are they coming here just to work, just to make some like really good money really quick, and then go back home, oh okay so the people that are smart, the, the guys that are smart and they see this and I'll tell them they're they, they don't like that. The handler gets 20 and they, if they're trying, they learn english or they speak pretty good english, they will make their, make their own connections, because the reason why these handlers get 20, they have the connections right and you know they can find it makes sense, they're facilitating.
Intro:I mean it sucks, but like if you were a handler and you're able to like also turn and burn, you got like 10 people here and there. Right, like you can make a killing, yeah, right, like you can make a really good profit for doing like what?
Javier:nothing you bring these people and they're paying you. There was a guy from uh brazil who lives in carrollton. He moved here to work and, um, he speaks pretty good english and he told me he's like I'm done with this guy, I don't want you to give him the 20. I told him I don't work for him anymore. Um, and then, like two weeks later, the handler called me. Oh, you forgot to put uh the 20. I'm like well, you need to take it up with him. He told me he doesn't work for you anymore. That's he, him and another guy. They broke free. They said fuck you.
Javier:And this italian guy, he's leaving. We're not kicking him out. He's leaving because he's gonna go to lubbock and work with a friend. But he's telling his handler that he's going back to italy. And he's like, uh, I told them I'm done, I'm going. If it doesn't work out, I'll just go back to italy. We got cars and stuff over there. But also the tax rates in other countries are ridiculous. Like, yeah, 65 tax rate in italy and and, and I'll tell you what the brazilians that come from here come from there.
Intro:Whatever they get paid shit they get like 40 right, like it's 30 to 40, it's not I mean 25 to 33, depending on your tax review.
Javier:Well, 33 if you make over. You make over $100,000, $120,000.
Intro:But it's contract labor right, so it should be like 40%.
Javier:It's a 1099, yeah, yeah yeah, but these guys have a way. That's another reason why they're getting paid 20% too. Some of the Brazilians have to get their money wired. They get their money wired home. They don't have the connections.
Intro:There are wired, they get their money wired home they don't have the connections, there are no people to take the money. And they get. They get 20. They don't get 40, they get 20 and the handler gets more. Damn, yeah, so it's a shitty. So this is like a handler situation by country it is. It's like okay, we got italian people because I speak italian and I'm whatever yeah and then you got brazilian. So it's not just like one person that's pulling in overseas people.
Javier:They gotta have like that's what they tell you on the group chat. It's not that high in italy. That's what he told me. He's like oh, you've got him. Well, I think I don't know if he said if you make over a certain amount, don't question jamie in the chat. Sorry, I'm so sorry. That was a mistake, but it's, you know, it's kind of that's just the way it is I.
Tim:I mean, you don't know any better. He's just telling you whatever he could be lying to you completely, he could be.
Intro:I mean, he said he didn't break your light. True, he's a liar, he's a fucking liar.
Tim:He's a fucking liar. He got what he deserved.
Javier:But then it was just so funny that he just turned around and looked at me whenever it just go blah, and I just looked at why do you?
Intro:have to use your light in the first place. Why didn't you just use his light? Because?
Javier:it sucked and it kept on coming down, and so the parts that I took from him that were still working, you know.
Tim:Really made it come down.
Javier:Sucks to suck chief. Anyways, yeah, 43% is the highest Interesting.
Tim:Okay, yeah, so.
Javier:That was my. That's what I've been doing.
Intro:Yeah, sorry I was very interested.
Javier:I didn't know all that was going on, that's some weird information.
Tim:I didn't know.
Intro:Interesting Very interesting.
Tim:I have Moving on. I have officially, my job has no longer exists.
Javier:Which is weird.
Tim:I'll say now who I work for. I worked for medstar, um, and that's weird because I've been there for almost 17 years. Yeah, uh, it would be. It would have been 17 years in september, and if I made it to 20 years I would have gotten a crystal ambulance. And I'm not getting that crystal ambulance. I might buy one for myself at 20 years, I don don't know. But now I work for a much larger entity and I have to mind my P's and Q's with them too.
Javier:On the group chat. I mean, you're wearing a shirt, can we be? I mean kind of, but you can buy these. That's a cool shirt, though you can buy these from anybody. Yeah, this is a-, that's a pretty sick shirt.
Tim:So this is a station shirt for Station. It says the north side. Yeah, so hang on. Have you seen the back?
Javier:It looks like a shirt from Isn't the north side? One word oh, that's pretty sick, nombre, you talked to the wrong person. They might mistake you for a bandito. Should I go back there? There you go. Okay, Need to do some squats, buddy. Yeah, I got no ass On the group chat. What up guys? Can we be on your pod? Two Guys, One Podcast. They record over at Rabbit Hole. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tim:They had Omar over there. Yeah, only if you want to do, only if you want to live stream or live view. Two Girls, One Cup.
Javier:You've got to watch that with us. First, though, if you want to come on the pod, you've got to watch Two Girls, one Cup.
Intro:Two Guys one pod, not two girls one pod. I know Two guys one pod. No, no, no.
Tim:That's fine. We don't have to force them to watch that.
Intro:I mean that's the rite of passage, I think.
Tim:I'm always into having other people on. I would love to record at Rabbit Hole though.
Javier:Yeah, that'd be fun During one.
Intro:Tuesdays yeah.
Javier:Tuesdays, that'd be fun.
Tim:Yeah, it's just the whole thing with my job going away. It's so strange to have something that's been a part of you for so long.
Javier:Yeah.
Tim:And then it just I mean, we're still going. I feel like it's like a spirit Halloween situation, like the ability we hadn't even stopped existing and they were already moving shit in, kind of thing and now it's just like okay, and they're gonna put the banner on the front.
Tim:It's like the divorce and you know your, your new stepdad is coming in and he's like all right, well, your stepsisters are gonna sleep in this room and uh dude, before I even like left the office because, like, I'm back on the ambulance full time now, and before I got out of the office they were bringing people in to look at our office. Like oh yeah, this space will be great for this stuff and I'm just sitting there, fuck my life.
Javier:They're like hey, does the Tism boy come with the office, Matt? No, I can't.
Intro:I can't recover from that.
Tim:No, you cannot, yeah it's, it's, it's, it's fucking weird. Um, it's just a weird situation, but um, I've how has your life changed, your schedule's changed?
Tim:yeah, my schedule's changed so, um, basically just to kind of give a rundown of how things happen, um, the week before I started back on the ambulance, so I was on one schedule for the last month and then we got new schedules. That started, I guess, monday. Last Monday I was told like basically was like hey, they're looking at maybe moving you. You need to move back into the field sooner than later. I'm like, okay, we originally were going to go till basically june 30th and then I was gonna train because it transitioned that july 1st be back on the truck full-time july 1st.
Tim:And then so that last week I was in the office, um, got to be like I guess wednesday they were having conversations about me, unbeknownst to me. My boss gave me a heads up like hey, um, they've been having, they've been talking about this, they're probably going to want to want you to start earlier. I'm like, okay, I have no idea how soon thursday so that was a wednesday thursday rolls around. I have to go have a uh conversation with our hr director and she's like you're fired. No, she's like okay, so we want you um back now. They want you back now. Yeah, go ahead, give me one. They want me back now, um. And so it's like here's the shifts that are available.
Tim:Pick a shift yeah and I was like, oh shit. So I ended up going to nine to nine. Um, I worked my nine nine to nine and I had the weekend off and basically it was like Thursday, went back in the office on Friday, packed my desk up Friday, got all my stuff moved out, and then Friday, saturday, sunday or Saturday Sunday, back on the truck on Monday and then I worked a little bit part-time up in the office, still doing a few little clerical things that we needed to take care of. I'm still named in a couple of lawsuits that I'm what Well, things that we needed to take care of.
Tim:I'm still named in a couple of lawsuits that I'm what I have to well, so I have to represent. Like I can go really in depth in my job now. So part of it was investigating ambulance crashes and stuff like that, and so like I have to investigate some of those stuff and I have to answer and talk to lawyers, um, and because of that I am, I guess, an expert witness or whatever on some things, and if it goes to full trial then I can be called in to actually go testify.
Intro:Did you witness all of these wrecks? Because I would start to think that if you're witnessing a lot of wrecks, then maybe you're causing the wrecks, 100%.
Tim:No, I'm not witnessing the wrecks but I'm witnessing the aftermath.
Tim:Got it. So I got to work a little bit. I'd come in the office for a few hours on my day off and work and then go home, so I'd get a little extra overtime for that. But now it's past July 1st and we're full on into the new organization and all that stuff, and things are fucking wild. How do you feel? I felt like I swung right back into it. So now I'm on a 6A to 6P shift, which isn't terrible. I wake up about 4, 4.30 in the morning.
Intro:You have to wake up that time tomorrow.
Tim:No, no, no.
Intro:I was off today and tomorrow.
Tim:So it's a rotating week. So my days are always the same on week one and always the same on week two, but they're different from week one and week two. Yeah, so I have to work some weekends and some weekends I don't have to work.
Javier:So for the most part is it better.
Tim:No, it's not Like I'm back on a truck which is not where I want it to be, but it's where I'm at and we'll see how things go.
Javier:Is there a way for you to kind of like where you were at in your position, um in the office, instead of being on the truck? What are there gonna be?
Intro:positions open in the office.
Tim:I don't, we don't know, yeah, I have no idea. I mean, yeah, there's, there's gonna be things that are gonna pop up, but yeah, I have no idea, probably not what I was doing, but I might be able to do something else, I don't know you should be the spokesman, like 20 people died from malaria or something you know could be the public information officer.
Intro:Yeah I mean you already have the background. Have you ever considered I mean, you don't ever, you probably never do a resume, you'll never have to worry about a resume your whole life. But have you ever considered putting the podcast on the resume?
Tim:yeah, I've considered it it's on my linkedin is it?
Javier:I took my linkedin.
Tim:I took it off my linkedin because I was like oh, I don't want, like yeah, don't look that shit up who's?
Javier:that beater that's on there that says vulgarity but I mean, uh, what's?
Intro:your glasses say that said but I have people trying to speak spanish.
Tim:Thank you, john cena I have had like, uh, what is it? Um, I mean, we've had the, you know, since 2020, so what is that five years yeah? Five years yeah we've five years of uh like public speaking and whatever yeah um, yeah, I mean I I thought about putting that on the resume, I don't know I put uh on this last time around.
Intro:I put like um media experience or media knowledge, media, something like that right to kind of like encapsulate the fact that it's not just podcasts, but we've done like speaking gigs and we've done all sorts of stuff sure yeah, yeah we've taught a fucking tcc class yeah, yeah, we did, we saw the class, yeah, so like I. I mean, I do think that, even though sometimes I don't think of this as experience, it's experience yeah, I know I.
Tim:I definitely think it's experience as well. So, yeah, maybe I'll, maybe I'll do that, I don't know.
Javier:But I mean yeah, it's a professional thing.
Tim:I am trying to finish up my other certification in a timely manner. I signed up. Is this the rectum one? Yeah, the rectum certification.
Javier:Yeah, yeah.
Tim:Yeah, no, but I signed up, for I've got two classes coming up in the fall. I'm taking the workload that I was doing and just dropping it down by one class Gross, I'm doing six hours Rectum workload. Six hours Rectum load baby. Get that rectum load. Six hours of coursework I am like 50-ish hours left of my bachelor's. Yeah, you're not taking summer classes right?
Tim:No, I didn't take any summer classes so I could focus on my other school because I'm taking the other stuff. But after these two classes or maybe I might need one more I can actually apply for my associates, even though I'm technically considered a junior based off of my hours completed. But I should be able to get my associates, which gets me more money at my current job. Oh, no shit. Yeah, I was about to ask what the benefit should uh, be able to get my associates, which gets me more money at my current job.
Intro:Oh, no shit. Yeah, I was about to ask what the benefit so they?
Tim:so they pay. They pay for degrees, and so I'll get like a. It's like a, it's like one percent or whatever, but still all those little percentages stack up yeah um, so, yeah, I'll do that and, um, I don't know, we'll see, but it's just uh, yeah, it's a change and it's back to kind of a daily grind of going to work, but it's weird having random days off in the middle of the week.
Javier:I miss those. That's one thing I miss.
Tim:Yeah, me too. So Lance had a Monday off or whatever, and it just so happened like, oh, it's my Monday off, let's go to fucking Nickel and just have a few drinks and call it good. So we go to the nickel and we run over to load out and finish off the afternoon or early afternoon.
Javier:Can I interrupt you real quick? Go home. Yeah, we have 11 people on right now, so hello, what's up everyone? If you're wanting to be on the show live, call 817-677-0408 and you can be live on the air 117-677-0408. And you can be live on the air and you can be on and we can make fun of you or you can make fun of us.
Tim:Whatever, talk about, whatever you want, it's been, it's been. Man, I have a story that I can't tell.
Intro:Then why bring it up? Yeah, why bring it up? We're on a podcast.
Tim:Either say it or don't say it. So there was something that, okay, I'm going to be very vague, please do.
Intro:At least we get something out of this.
Tim:There was something that happened and I had to kind of investigate it and a person accessed something that they weren't supposed to access and attempt to take, and they turned a radio on and it just happened to be playing and they turned the radio on. Yeah, and it just happened to be playing the Harvey Danger song. Flagpole Sitta. Oh yeah, and it was at the point of the main hook chorus part where it was.
Javier:I'm not sick, but I'm not well.
Tim:And the person was clearly not sick, but they weren't well, they dead. No, no, no, no, no. They were, um, they were escaping someplace and something happened, jesus things happened. It was just like this very it was a mental unwell, not like a healthy but it was like I'm not sick, but I'm not well it was a very like I like.
Intro:The irony behind it was like wow, that like wow that's weird, yeah, okay, so, yeah.
Tim:So life has been just turned upside down, but it's. I mean it's, it's all right, we're making it happen.
Javier:I don't know how much do we don't like.
Tim:I have no idea what my paycheck is going to really look like compared to what I was making versus his first paycheck.
Tim:It's been like you owe us. I'm a afraid of that. So, one of the things that I had a retirement plan and some people are going to scoff at this, but I had a retirement plan, we had a 457, which is like a government thing, and then we had what's kind of like a 401K, but it's a 401A. So I have two accounts with work and I went ahead and cashed out my 457 completely. Yeah, to just take it wasn't a whole lot of money in it, um, but to take that money and and pay off some debt that I had reoccurring, you know, reoccurring bills or whatever and pay that off. That way I can make sure I have an extra you know, you know, three, four hundred dollars or whatever yeah, um, coming in and a lot of people are like, why would you do that with your retirement?
Tim:I'm like I have no idea. I got to pay my bills, that's the whole thing. So I have no idea I'm putting other money back in retirement. I have a mandatory pension that I'm paying into, plus I'm contributing to the union and I'm contributing to their political action campaign thing too, or the PAC, and so I'm contributing a lot of money to a lot of things. Um, that's just right off the top of my my check, so I have no idea what my my paycheck is going to look like shit you know you don't have to do all that right.
Intro:I don't think you have, it's not.
Tim:I don't have to contribute to the pack yeah, um, but I am okay for right now this is like one of those things that they're gonna like stab you in the the back. No, no, no, no, no, I can drop. I'm contributing max to the pack right now and I can drop that down. Oh, okay, so just a lot of weird things happening, but you know, it's just life and life comes with change.
Intro:You know what they say Life comes with change.
Javier:Yeah, I buy bitcoin.
Tim:That's right, just buy bitcoin no, you need to buy dong coin. It's a new coin I'm introducing. You could do an old. Uh the old school, uh rug pool situation. Yep, long don silvers long dong silver what can we make? A meme coin?
Intro:yeah we've already talked about this. How do we make it like we gotta figure that out? Panther meme coin no schlong, we can do panther schlong.
Tim:Okay, long dong, panther schlong so what's that thing?
Javier:by the thing, you see that number one.
Intro:Yeah, I don't know.
Tim:Herbie and Chrissy's are like they've got crowns and that's it. Yeah, because they're always interacting with us Okay. And the people need to know. The people need to know to feel it all right, so enough of that let's get into the shit. Actual shit, yeah, so it's the shit I wanted to bring up uh recently texas monthly's 2025 top barbecue that's not even that recent anymore.
Intro:God damn, it's been a month ago. It's been a month.
Tim:That's bad yeah, so just for people who don't know that texas monthly releases a list every four years and and four years ago the reigning uh champion was goldie's barbecue, which we had jerby on, and you can go back and watch that episode.
Tim:Uh barbecue lies and I can't remember what number it was, but it was a very controversial one. We still get random comments on that one right all the time. Um, I want to go over a couple of people Like so DFW made the top of the list again, with Goldies coming in at rank number three. They're down from number one.
Intro:Right, which is fine.
Tim:Still top three. It's huge. I didn't think they would hold number one forever. There's going to be other barbecue joints right, rotations too yeah. And so that's good. It's still a huge thing, but Danes Hell yeah. Where did Danes come in at they're ranked?
Intro:I want to say it was seven or eight. Yeah, yeah, it's been so long. Now I want to say it was seven.
Tim:Smoking Ash Barbecue, which we haven't tried yet, which?
Intro:is out in Arlington.
Tim:It is that Ethiopian-Texas barbecue fusion. They came in at number six so I've been wanting to try that one. Panther City Barbecue is another returning favorite, Dane's again. Like I said, All these top ten places and Suburb came in in the top 52.
Intro:Oh yeah, you're right, the one you went to the food truck Number one was what?
Tim:Burnt Bean. Oh man, Burnt Bean Co Down in Sagina.
Intro:Yeah, we went there. Roy, Danny and I went there because it wasn't too too far from Danny's place. Man, we waited in line. I was like I've never even heard of this place. Dude, it was stellar, like I get it.
Tim:I think like so every barbecue joint to get number one. I mean you're hitting all the things right, right, but even like with number one, I think there's. I've always said Dane's sides are by far like my favorite sides that I've had and so, like I think you've got to, like you separate some of these things and, like Dane's comes in number one on their sides, we go to Goldie's and their sausage. That they're doing out there, that's. You know, that's a number one sausage that they've got, because it's what Cambodian or no.
Intro:I thought it was Vietnamese, Vietnamese, yeah.
Tim:It's Pacific Island or not.
Javier:Pacific Island.
Intro:Really. I think island or not really I think so yeah, I think it's cambodia but it's like our uh southeast asia it's, it's a yeah, uh, yeah, look it up um look it up.
Javier:I feel like it's cambodia. No, no, have christy, look it up. Look it up, christy.
Tim:I don't know anyways jamie, you take these little elements from each one and I think you could form like the perfect plate like the perfect frankenstein yeah, you get the frankenstein right. So I want the sausage from goldies. I want a dane's burger, right yeah, fuck, okay, burger, and then I want um dane's beans. Their beans are fantastic yeah I want that little weird stuff that uh goldies has.
Intro:Excuse me.
Tim:The stuff that looks unappealing, but it's very good. Oh they're like. It's like a. It looked like a porridge almost.
Intro:Yeah, like Virginia mash or something. It was like a different yeah it was weird. I don't know what it was called we're talking about Goldie's, yeah.
Tim:I want that from Goldie's. I want their beans from Dane's I want danes a danes burger on the side, yeah I think that's a side.
Javier:I want to say that can be, that burger can be its own side. And then I'm trying to think of like we were both wrong.
Tim:It's lao lao, oh lao yeah yeah well, cambodia and lao are really close if you look at on the map you're like oh, mr khan, vietnam lao and they're not the same thing we should know they're not the same thing.
Intro:We should know that they're not the same thing. We fucked, we fucked up.
Tim:I don't know where I'm getting my brisket, though.
Javier:That's where I'll try it Well. So it's kind of hard because Because I haven't tried all the places, right? No, there's too many places to try, I mean. But I'll.
Intro:Really.
Javier:Yeah, I'll usually get like sausage or turkey.
Tim:Yeah.
Javier:I'm a turkey man, so I'll judge. I'll judge a place.
Tim:I like turkey too, but you know a lot of barbecue places that I grew up eating. If you got turkey, it was dry as shit, right. So I will judge a barbecue place by their turkey. Yeah, they can make a good turkey. It's a good barbecue.
Intro:I'll tell you who has, because it gave me food poisoning. Uh, did you mention the beef rib at the beef rib at gold goldies?
Tim:come on. Oh my god, yes, but I want panther city barbecue. Yeah, their beans give dane's beans a run, for they're two different types of beans though. Yeah, but they have like the borracho beans that are are well seasoned, fantastic, but they're brisket elote, though come on, that's a whole ass meal yeah, you know, and that's starting to, other places are starting to do brisket, elote or other.
Javier:I kind of want to go on like a I want to do a dfw barbecue tour.
Tim:You know, we talked about doing it, we talked about tours, we do, we talk about together and I'm there, I'm there. Uh, I want to do strip club tour.
Javier:I mean because, especially I know, you're gonna have your bachelor party over there in Oregon.
Tim:I thought you were going to say Oakland. I was like that's what we're doing.
Javier:He's going to go to Oakland, to the. I was going to say something terrible.
Intro:Yeah, please don't.
Javier:Hey, we need to do that. Hey, Rick's Cabaret or Bucks.
Intro:Would this be a post-bachelor bachelor?
JaeBoy:party. Yes, yes.
Intro:Yes.
Tim:But I want to go to Smokin' Ash.
Javier:Me too.
Tim:I would like to go out there, lance and I have been talking because he sent me the TikTok of Smokin' Ash like months and months and months ago. I'm like, oh yeah, I want to try that place out because it looks fantastic. So I'd like to start, probably, with Smokin' Ash. I want to go there. I want to go to sabar um, I haven't been to, uh, terry black's yet. Here I heard it was.
Javier:I heard the sides were good, but the meat wasn't terry black's over there because we went, uh, when we were visiting danny and courtney yeah, yeah, yeah down in uh new broncos.
Intro:There's like two or three of them, there's like a bunch of them but I really think we should, we should go in and we should.
Tim:it'll probably take a month, but we go, hit the DFW barbecue spots, right, and we put out our own list Like out of DFW this is where we're ranking the Funky Panther barbecue list.
Tim:And I don't want to upset anybody, but what if Danes doesn't reign supreme for us? What if it's someone else? Dan Woods Tailgater's Barbecue over in Weatherford, their barbecue is really fucking good too. You know what if danes doesn't reign supreme for us? What if it's someone else? Uh, dan woods, uh, tailgaters barbecue, uh, over in weatherford their their barbecue is really fucking good too.
Javier:Um that, I think we should do that I think the list obviously constitutes kind of the same rules as, like a michelin star, it's not just going to be the first visit the, the way the's served or the way you eat it, the way you get it is constant the flavor obviously yeah, you got to go a couple times, have y'all watched the beer already. Did y'all watch the new season?
Tim:No, I haven't seen it.
Javier:No, I haven't. Like this isn't a spoiler, but like Cousin Richie's, like they find out who the guy is and he's like perfect, nothing changes. We're going to do the same thing with every customer and it's going to be the same. Oh yeah, speaking of Michelin, yeah, yeah.
Tim:I need to watch it. I haven't watched the new season yet.
Javier:What did you think? Everything was great until the last episode.
Tim:Speaking of the bear, can I just say something? Maddie matheson um. He is now in a hardcore band and oh, I saw and he put out his uh, they put out their debut album and what's funny is a lot of people are talking so much shit about it because it's a. It's a celebrity, yeah, that's. Uh has another. You know another celebrity has a band or whatever, yeah. But what I think people don't realize is that Matty grew up in that scene up in Canada and has been a part of that he's what we call a hardcore kid.
Tim:He was in those hardcore punk scene and this was completely natural for him and yeah, it's a side project. But I listen to the album completely. It's very 80s and 90s punk, hardcore punk inspired. You can tell he's having a lot of fun and if you watch any of the videos of him on stage, that dude is just fucking killing it.
Javier:He's having a good time. He's my favorite side character on the Bear.
Tim:Oh yeah.
JaeBoy:He's such a baby.
Intro:He comes into the doorway just having his face.
Javier:Yes, oh my God, we just died laughing every time on the group chat I did something bad. And then she's like oh honey, you could never do anything. I love you so much.
Tim:Fuck you, get the fuck out that was so good I watched the interview with him talking about that, and so whenever it was first brought up to him, you know, they asked like, like the whole thing, could you act or can you act right? Yeah, and he was like no, I really think I could act, but he didn't want to do you know the main character be a chef or whatever any of that stuff and um did you watch his show on vice whenever it was out?
Tim:watch his show. No, I've watched all of. I've watched all of his shows. I'm a huge Matty Mathis fan. I've got his cookbook. He talked about that. He wanted to be the mechanic or the service guy, the person who fixes shit, because he is the furthest thing away from that. He can't fix anything.
Intro:It's funny. People watching the Bear and I've been seeing a lot of memes are like did it's funny? People watching the Bear and I've been seeing a lot of memes are like did you know that this goofy dude is actually the only chef on the show? Yeah, yeah, it's like people don't realize.
Javier:The other guy who is the writer and creator of the show. He's the guy that owns Mr Beef.
Intro:Like in real life. In real life, okay, but he's not acting in the show.
Javier:He is, he is.
Tim:he's one of the guys that works at the uh sandwich station really yeah I didn't know that one yeah, so I'm, I'm a, I'm a huge, yeah, I'm a huge maddie fan, and so I think it's cool. Uh, I listened to his album. I like it, I'm. I'm hoping they go on tour and start hitting up some places down south, and I'd love to go see them live. It would be a good time.
Javier:Did you hear?
Tim:that yeah, I did.
Intro:I don't know what it said.
Javier:Those are my glasses.
Tim:Was it? Oh, your glasses were talking to you. Huh yeah, okay. So anyways, I think we should go on a barbecue tour and I think we should pick some stuff out.
Intro:What's your current favorite barbecue place in DFW right?
JaeBoy:now.
Intro:No, I'm not going to do that.
Javier:Okay, you're not going to do that.
Intro:I'm not going to do that because I think that they've all, to your point, have got something to provide. If I want a beef rib, I'm like man. I just need something that's going to make me down and out for the next week.
Javier:I'm going to go and I'm going to go get that beef rib.
Intro:If I want a good burger or sides or I mean basically the whole deal, I'm going to go to Dane's. If I want to get some good drinks and have a good atmosphere and vibe, I'm going to go to Panther City Because I think that their vibe is superior. It's not really just a barbecue joint, it's like a bar and restaurant, you know what.
Javier:I mean Great patio too.
Tim:Suburb is fucking one. I'm a fan of Brick's. I like Brick's.
Intro:Brick's is great. Brick's is amazing their breakfast burritos and the burgers man.
Javier:That place is great, which Danes also does breakfast burritos too.
Intro:See, I haven't been back to Danes, sorry, bro, they're fucking bologna sandwich Since they did nights, now they're open all day, their bologna sandwich?
Tim:I think we know the answer to this, but would you wait four hours for brisket?
JaeBoy:Yes or not, just brisket, but barbecue.
Javier:Yes.
Tim:Because we have. We've gone to Goldie's and we've sat out there for several hours.
Javier:Well, jerby had a good point and it's actually something if you're going to go to like an artisan, because that's what it is right.
Intro:Right.
Javier:Artisan barbecue. He said you can, or you can get there when we open and have a little bit of whatever's left, right.
Intro:I don't think I would do four hours anymore. Four hours is a stretch, right. I would do two hours max. Because there's too many good barbecue joints for me to have to like. I mean, unless it was something new, right, like, we go down to Austin we're going to check out that new. Like was it something in lewis or something like that barbecue? I would wait four hours because I want to go there.
Intro:Real bad and I've never been there but like if it's a joint that we've been to before okay, so I'm going to ask about this waiting thing though okay all right.
Tim:So, uh, it's a little bit cold outside. Yeah, parking lot's got a lot of cars. Nobody's in line, everybody's in their car. Okay, it's 10 minutes to opening. You're the first one out of the car, even though you got there maybe like 15 minutes before they open fuck that.
Intro:There's a line you don't know. Is there a car?
Tim:no one right but I'm saying there's no line. There is no line, it's cold okay so this is a hypothetical, hypothetical. Never happened, okay you get out, even though you didn't wait in the car as long as some of the other ones first.
Intro:First one in line is first one in line. It doesn't matter when the car parked Okay.
Javier:Yeah, all right, I feel the same.
Tim:I feel the same way Because I could have gotten out an hour ago, you could have suffered.
Intro:You could have been hot, warm in your car enjoying your hot cocoa. And I'm first in line because I just got here and I'm willing to wait in the cold.
Javier:I'm taking that advantage. Yeah, for sure, everyone's in their car. No, I'm running up, I'm running over there, and that's me first one.
Tim:All right. So if we did a Funky Panther barbecue pop-up, what would it be called and how fast would the health department shut us down? I mean, I don't want to do the cooking ourselves, right, but like I think we could successfully do some sort of Funky panther barbecue pop up or something like that Moist panther Meat.
Intro:Moist bone for your mouth.
Tim:We would call the pop up moist bone for your mouth.
Javier:Yeah, I like the moist panther barbecue pop-up I like that moist panther meat and some titan sausage some titan sausage yes we gotta get with ben and and see if we can do a pop-up.
Tim:I actually, uh, I went to south side cellar ben, our friend, uh ben is up there working and, um, I asked him I was like like so when are you going to bring the Sakushi Sando back?
Javier:Oh Ben.
Intro:Yes.
Javier:Yes, ben, yeah, when is he going to bring it back out?
Tim:No, he said he's got some stuff in the making. He wants to do some pop-ups Mouth meat barbecue.
Intro:I don't even know Ben's last name anymore, because I just know him by his original last name. So I don't even know Ben's last name anymore, because I just know him by his original last name.
Tim:So I don't know. I actually I'm thinking about it.
Intro:He's got a new last name. Yeah, he's got a new last name but I don't remember what it was. Sloppy Barbecue.
Tim:You know, you said you know him by his original last name.
Javier:Yeah, he's got a new last name. Yes, panther Q.
Intro:What? That's a different things he's doing like some podcast stuff for them and, uh, it's pretty cool to see. Except I've been to south side sellers like two or three times over the past month or so and he's never there yeah, so whenever I went, uh, man, they were actually.
Tim:It wasn't that it was busy, but it had a. They had a good amount of people that were there and that's nice, um, because it's a place that I really like, south side seller a lot and I wanted to stick around. We lost our Taps and Caps Right, which by far was one of my favorite places, just to go have a beer. They always had a good rotation. Southside Cellar. They've got a great rotation and they do have their THC seltzers, which brings me to our next segment. Did you get in their bottle?
Tim:logic, though, when they had it, though no, I did not, so that brings me to the next segment, that Governor Hot Wheels decided to veto the THC ban.
Javier:An hour before. An hour before. An hour before. First and foremost, I'd like to say this to the governor Fuck you anyway.
Tim:Do you know anything about Dan Patrick? Yeah, he's a piece of shit cuck, but do you know what he was before politics?
Javier:I think a child molester allegedly no a race car driver.
Tim:He was a radio host. Did you mean racist?
Javier:Racist in a car driver.
Tim:Racist in a car, yelling. He had nothing with politics. He was nothing Really. He was a radio DJ.
Javier:Was he like a I have no idea what's his name Howard Stern? No, he wasn't that. He's like I like titties and barbecue. It was like a conservative radio station, I'm sure.
Tim:Which is funny because, governor Hot Wheels, he was a judge Like a Supreme Court of Texas judge Right.
Javier:And then he sued the tree and then he won.
Tim:Yeah, and then he turns around and makes it where you can't win that much money ever yeah, did you not know about that? I win that much money ever. Yeah, did you not know about that? I didn't know. So. So the tree that fell, the tree that fell on on um, on governor abedin, paralyzed him, he's been paralyzed since he's been in his like 20s or whatever.
Tim:Yeah, so he turns around and he sues uh, the tree, the state okay, I believe it was the state. Anyways, he sues, wins a shit ton of money. And then he made a law to where there's basically a cap and you can't do that, wow.
Intro:Yeah, wow, so he took advantage of it.
Tim:He's like no, just me.
Intro:Yeah, Well, it's nice to know that we can still get our products, though, and from the chat, hot Fusion's got a THC drink. Yes, I saw that they have a new seltzer. They put it out on the social media man.
Tim:I haven't been to Hop Fusion in a while. Is his hoops playing over there any?
Intro:time.
Tim:No, unfortunately I don't think he's playing at all while he's here. A lot of places got these handlers now and they've got their normal lineup. It's hard.
Intro:And they've been so busy They've got some every weekend and so that's the only time they'd want him is on the weekends and he's like I can't, I wish, but hop, fusion's got one. Martin house has obviously got the. The powerhouse seltzer, um turning points, got one. I had it not too long ago. It slapped hard like it was really good. So, like all these places that are again we talked about it on the last pod right like all these local breweries are getting into the game so it was nice that, uh, I think I see some writing on the wall here that they're not in the room.
Tim:But as to what happened with the whole Abbott and Dan Patrick showdown, okay, so you know, the lieutenant governor is actually like they are. The is the most powerful man or powerful position within, like the, the texas, the state senate, um no, you're right, powerful man. He's most powerful man. I don't think we've ever had a female lieutenant we had a female lieutenant.
Javier:We've had a female governor. We shout out to ann richard. We had ann richard, yeah, um.
Tim:So he's like the most powerful person and he threatened literally threatened to hold up. Like, if you don't vote, yes, I'm going to hold up Congress, essentially, and he can do that. So this whole showdown between them, obviously Dan Patrick's like I'm not mad. I'm not mad, but I don't understand why. He basically says we want to have marijuana here in Texas. That's what he said. Yeah, motherfucker, motherfucker, we do. That's. The thing is that even on the conservative side of things, the polling is showing that even like these conservative people are saying like wait a second, that's, this is a little bit overstep right like nanny.
Javier:It's a nanny state.
Tim:Let them let them make the decision if they want to now. Do we need to have more regulation on it?
Intro:sure we probably shouldn't have gas stations selling yeah, you're right, right, but the places that are doing it right with the qr codes, and you know, yeah like the right the going through all the fucking tape, because there's a ton of it and doing it right, let them.
Tim:That's. That's where it needs to be right. And so there's this whole thing with that, and I think that abbott saw the writing that showed that, look, if I don't veto this, I'm fucking out. Yeah guess who's not going to get elected. Dan patrick, he's out, he's, he's, he will not be fucked up if he.
Intro:If he does get re-elected, I'll be really fucking surprised yeah, because I mean like you've got what you've got um farmers right that are generally making right yeah yeah right and that's a ton of jobs and a ton of money. You You've got veterans that were, but you know Dan Patrick was like well, it's not.
Tim:You know, it's not all the it's, it's not local businesses. They all have the same. Look the stores look the same and they're all selling the same product. The cartels involved? Yeah, he's like it's probably the cartel or whatever it's stupid.
Javier:It's just a bunch of fear-mongering and, honestly, the most disappointing thing about it being in Texas, they don't put it to a vote. Other states have put it to a vote for the people to vote on it.
Tim:Yeah, I mean at this point, if they put it to a vote it would pass, but everything Whoa.
Intro:It's got a little bit lower hey buddy yeah you're a little shorter now.
Javier:Everything should be put to a vote, Everything that's brought up in session or emergency session. The people need to vote on it Because you're letting these people with terrible agendas that are going off of their beliefs and their church.
Tim:Well, I mean he receives. So it's not even that he receives so much money in his campaign. That's from the alcohol industry. Right.
Javier:That's what it comes down to. Yeah, and on the group chat, the cartel would actually benefit it if it were. Yeah, yeah, the cartel got an in, like we don't.
Tim:We don't need the stores and the proper avenue, yeah so I mean make it, uh, you know these, these little fly-by-night places that opened up shop and are selling shit without any regulation, they that needs to probably be looked at. And and I'm good with making the packaging not look like they're for kids, like I'm good with that, yeah, that's that's, that was an argument.
Tim:Make it you know, whatever. If again like, make it look you know more targeted towards adults, which a lot of the stuff that I've seen? Right, I can't consume any of it. I have no skin in this game, but I've seen these products where it doesn't look. I mean, it looks like, uh, looks like one of those you know.
Intro:But I mean I've bought cheap product before and it's just fucking garbage. So, like normal people are gonna, I mean, yes, sure, I agree, I don't need to get into it. They do need to ban a lot of shit. Regulations are going to resolve that.
Tim:And I can say just recently I mean it's on the news a girl in White Settlement, albeit she was underage, bought she arranged something to buy illegal vape pens off of somebody for $300 or so. The dude shows up, takes her $300 and shoots her three times.
Intro:Jesus so.
Tim:I mean make it a legal avenue for people to, because we got shit like that happening, right. Yeah, granted, it's an underage person that was buying it and they wouldn't be able to buy it legally, but still that just shows that kind of market. If there's not a legal avenue, then you're putting people who consume this stuff on a regular basis or whatever, at a higher risk. Yeah, yeah, so good on them. But like that, that solidified what habits gonna get re-elected.
Javier:Dan patrick's out I mean, I think that there's more lax regulation when it comes to guns compared to marijuana.
Intro:No, I disagree. I don't know. I mean you could buy the what?
Javier:what is it? The gun show laws?
Tim:They still run a background show If I go to a gun show.
Intro:Believe me so if I go to a gun show. I was with someone that tried to get a gun and were turned away. And they're not bad people. They had like one minor thing on the record and they weren't able to get it at a gun show.
Javier:A minor.
Tim:Yes, they had a minor. No, yes, they had a minor thing. It was a minor offense.
Javier:So whatever.
Tim:I bought a handgun at a gun show once, yeah, and they took my CHL, which makes it a little bit easier because I've already gone through a lot of the background check stuff, but they still ran my background.
Javier:Somebody told me they sold me a gun and they were like just tell them, you bought it at a gun show.
Tim:Well, now, if I okay, as you'll see people walking around with signs saying whatever.
Intro:Well, yeah, I mean, I'm talking about, like, not vendors I'm right so yeah, I could just give you a gun yeah, but that's there I could give you drugs too.
Tim:Like they're making it now where you actually like. If I sold you a gun I'm supposed to like submit paperwork and and do it dude. I don't even know where so much has gotten from there's no problem, like there's no talent. It probably it came from russia right, okay cool, all right, so uh, but back on the whole. Uh, thc thing so we're safe now, safe ish I mean they can still change they're.
Tim:They're going through like, uh, the emergency sessions and all that stuff again, but um, it's been vetoed, so you can. Um, not stock up like good goods, not stock up like we did with toilet paper during the pandemic I was ready.
Intro:I had a cart full at hometown hero. I was so ready buy it all but that dan patrick special though, that stuff slaps hard, yeah, yeah um, I swung into, uh, what's that place?
Tim:uh, the the one that's the drive. Yeah, I just I've never been into the one on south main yeah just to like see how it is it's a nice store, very nice um, you know, and it feels warm and welcoming and inviting.
Tim:Apparently they have badass suckers. That that's what I heard too. I heard the same thing. They had a Rice Krispie Treats and different things like that. I was like, wow, this is pretty cool. I really wish that I could consume these products. Yeah, I bet, as of right now I can't, but who knows, the law might change and make it where we so can, all right. Make it where we, uh, where we so can, right, all right. I do want to bring up um, you know, there was a, there was a plane crash in india.
Intro:Oh, the indian this is a long time ago too.
Tim:I feel like we're so delayed yeah, and you've said so, I believe. I believe we now have the indian version of chad. Right, he did it because he walked away. Soul survivor walked away. He sat in a certain spot but apparently another plane had crashed in and it was the same spot that was it 13a, I think yeah, 13a was 11a yeah, so javier's gonna be buying all his tickets where he's gonna be 11a.
Javier:Now, bitch, I ain't flying until they make teleportation devices um ridiculous dude I fucking Dude. I fucking hate it. Man, I fucking hate it. Would you rather get on a train?
Tim:Yes, I've gotten on a train before and take the train. That's going to take you 36 hours. Of course you're going to take it double the time.
Javier:I took a train Remember, for Jesus is a Bachelor Party. I took a train to Austin. It was like an eight-hour train ride. Like an eight hour train ride. It's not that long. It was eight hours, oh yeah.
Intro:Danny goes, uh, Danny goes to new Braunfels and it's like six or seven via train.
Tim:Yeah.
Intro:That's what he used to like, Like if he wanted, like whenever he was moving he left his truck up here so he can go and get the big ass U-Haul truck or whatever. So he took a train.
Tim:It takes like five or six talk that was showing like apparently there's a train that you can ride from phoenix to fort worth. Okay, and it's, it doesn't? It actually doesn't take. It's like 24 hours or something like that, from phoenix to fort worth, or a little bit, a little bit longer, but it's not terrible. And it's talking about like you could see all these different landscape changes from like the desert to like the desert, mountains, and then I would need a bed, yeah I would need I would need my own cart and they're expensive.
Intro:Right, they're way more expensive to do that like we did it one time from like italy to germany and it was like pretty fucking cheap.
Tim:It's like an overnight train ride but like, but I looked at like amtrak if I wanted to take a trip from, from like, uh, you know, dfw to chicago and get a get it. I even looked at like new orleans, like taking it to new orleans, which isn't like that terribly far, um, and it was still going to be. I think it was like eleven hundred dollars or twelve hundred dollars to get a train car with a with a bed yeah it was like it's a and it's like a 36 hour or 38 hour train ride.
Javier:It's the experience. You take the back roads of america yeah, but I mean for.
Tim:But I want a bed and I don't want to spend $1,200 because I could just take that money and buy a first-class ticket for $1,200.
Javier:Yeah, but I mean I'm sure people are going to fly, being where I need to be in like three hours. People that want to get on trains are going to get on because they like the trains.
Intro:So we went to Pensacola and last year we drove and it's really not that bad of a drive. Right, it's like what, 11 hours or something like that. Not bad, but man, you fly and you're there in like less than two. I'm like come on, why would anyone want to drive like New Orleans?
Tim:like it's not a bad drive, but it's like it is a bad drive, but it's like an hour terrible drive.
Javier:The roads in Baton Rouge are fucking ass. I'm just saying.
Tim:I'm just looking at that.
Javier:Yeah, so the fail pocket Shout out to the photo of me in the cowboy hat.
Tim:Yeah, oh, the AI one. So, it's partially AI it's not fully AI. What I'm saying, have you seen? So I was wearing the cowboy hat and I was dressed the way.
Intro:I was dressed and it was you and it was me.
Tim:But have you seen what? So you can take photos and put it into ChatGPT and tell it like how the style and all that stuff and it. It's basically you run it through a photo editing so I could have taken that, I could have and created the same thing.
Javier:I did the same thing, but I said make me look like I'm in Muppet Babies. Remember that show?
Tim:Yeah.
Intro:Yeah, so yeah, a lot of people do that for their headshots too, like for LinkedIn and shit like that. They'll take a picture and be like, hey, make this, but make it more professional, funny enough. So we've been looking at houses. Like I mentioned, there was a house and Like, hey, make this more modern. And it painted the house for me Like it was wild, like it's gotten really fucking good.
Tim:So I took some pictures of the backyard. I was like I would like some landscaping, yeah, and it did some cool shit.
Javier:I'm like all right, this is what I want to do. I've done it with my penis. I'm like, hey, make this look presentable.
Intro:And it just disappeared.
Javier:And I unruly. The tunic had opened up, Sorry.
Intro:Tammy, it didn't make it look like the way I wanted it to, did you really, though? No, you can't do that. I'm curious what Chad GBT would say if he sent a dick pic.
Javier:That's what I'm worried about, this thing, because what if I'm cranking the soldier boy and it's recording me doing it and then it's like, ha, I'll get like something like.
Tim:I got you. I got you. No, somehow it went on Facebook Live All right.
Intro:No, your glasses like hold you ransom, like they're like I got you for life, so back on the plane thing, though I want to ask a question here.
Tim:I want to ask you the question so what one item in your carry-on would you use to survive? I want to ask you the question so what one item in your carry-on would you use to survive? Like, think about your normal, because you fly, you'll fly a lot without checking bags, right?
Intro:Yeah.
Tim:Yeah, okay, so think of what you've got in your bag.
Intro:A lot of times, I won't carry on.
Tim:Oh no. No, you check bags or.
Intro:Yeah, generally like all.
Tim:Okay, I'm saying you don't check bags like let's say you don't check a bag, you got it you got just it's a day trip kind of thing. You know you're only going for a couple days, you're not gonna check a bag, you're gonna carry something on, not gonna worry about all that I'm sorry it's late.
Intro:Yes, I carry on a lot. I'm thinking like a backpack. Yeah, I usually have like the backpack over sure but and then I'll have like a little fanny pack um yeah, so what is?
Javier:what is an?
Tim:item that you typically travel with that's always on your carry-on that you can get on a plane. That would help you survive.
Intro:Nothing is going to help me survive, not a single thing.
Tim:Not the plane crash itself. Let's just say, the aftermath of the plane crash.
Intro:You're in the Amazon, the toiletry bag is about as good as it gets. I don't know. I don't usually bring the bag itself. I think my North Face bag is pretty water resistant face bags. You know what's gonna help me survive my cell phone.
Tim:Oh well, that's a good one.
Javier:My cell phone, my battery bank that I carry yeah, I bring a battery whenever they tell you to brace. Chad's just gonna be looking straight, he's not gonna.
Intro:You know, brace for impact no, bracing is what kills you right, it's like whenever you get into a car accident and it's, it's the air up no, it's supposed to.
Tim:it's the, it's the airline's uh way of of not having to pay you out. You know, they tell you to brace or you die, right? Yeah, I'm just making stuff up. It's fucking ridiculous. See, I want to fly more now.
Javier:I want to fly all the time.
Intro:All right, what was your worst flight? What was the worst flight you were ever on? Dude, you've asked this before. I can think of the moment moment, and I don't remember where we were going. I was with sarish and the plane felt like it just fell four feet, I can and it just felt like, you know, your stomach is up here and then just like back and it happened I don't know two or three times and we're like that was pretty rough and then it's gone, it's over.
Tim:You're over, it's fine I'm sure I'm sure christy's not saying this about what she would bring on the airplane to help her survive, but she says add a top hat.
Intro:And I like to think that a top hat would be a nice addition to survival right it seems as if she's talking about a top hat to match what javier was talking about when he took a picture of his junk to make it more presentable but just imagine she probably is.
Tim:But just imagine. Just imagine like I pack a top hat now, for whenever I get rescued I look fancy rescue the fancy man.
Javier:He looks important.
Intro:Maybe he's in congress but if you had one of those magician top hats, you just pull whatever out of the hat. You can jump inside the hat. You can jump in the hat. I don't know where you go nobody knows nobody knows.
Tim:The rabbit knows it's a magician secret the rabbit knows if I tell you I have to kill you um.
Javier:What would y'all get in? No, no, I saw the video would you get in a hot air?
Tim:balloon? Yes, I would.
Javier:I saw the video from brazil I saw the video from brazil where there was like 20 people in the hot air balloon and it burned up. It took me back to 9-11. People were jumping out of the balloon because they would rather die like that than burn up. The worst, the worst.
Tim:Yeah, that would suck. Would you punch a baby and throw him off the Titanic just to get on a lifeboat? Yes, yes. Yeah, I would too.
Javier:Color me fancy, but I would totally do that. No, that's rough Chad's going down with the ship.
Tim:He's like I'm not even the captain, but I'm going to be in the helm.
Javier:I'm scalping a woman and I'm going to wear her hair. Oh, I need to get on a boat.
Intro:I'm not a fan of this segment, all right.
Tim:All right, one more thing.
JaeBoy:Yes.
Tim:About flying, though. Are you a window seat or an aisle seat? Window seat, window seat, aisle seat? Why, other than having to like I, I don't mind the window but, other than having to get up to let somebody out.
Tim:I like being on the aisle because I feel like I can shift my leg a little bit and have a little bit more room. I like, I like that. I don't want to sit in the middle, I don't want to be a middle seat person no, I I mean, you don't put a big guy in the middle seat.
Intro:That's just bad for everybody. It's bad for everybody. Yeah, so it's got to be aisle or window and window. I can lean against the window and feel pretty good about myself. No, fuck reclining.
Tim:I don't recline either. I will recline on an international flight. Okay, do you mind if somebody reclines in front of you?
Intro:I mean like what the fuck you doing? Although at the same time, does it really matter?
Tim:like probably not, but it does suck you know it's a two-hour flight, like the rash of like videos people reclining, people getting pissed off and then they came out with those things that you could put on a seat in front of you to keep yeah.
Javier:Christian said oh yeah, hide a parachute in the top hat see there you go she's on to it.
Tim:okay, I want to. I want to finish this off with Gross. So there was an art piece that was stolen recently, all right.
Javier:Was it a Banksy?
Tim:No, no, no. What is it Van? Gogh? It was a fully functional 18-karat gold toilet. Okay.
Javier:Did it belong to Trump?
Tim:I want to ask you what was the art piece titled? I want you to take a guess.
Javier:What do you think it was titled Presidential Komod.
Intro:Fancy shit.
Tim:Fancy shit, presidential Komod. It was titled America. It was an 18-carat solid gold toilet titled America and it was being exhibited in Blenheim Palace, winston Churchill's birthplace.
Javier:The caption it's not a golden parachute anymore, it's a golden toilet so in uh in 2019.
Tim:It was stolen by a gang who yanked it out uh out of the plumbing. Uh caused serious flooding and it just disappeared. The toilet was never recovered, likely melted down. Four men were convicted in 2025 were they from el salvador 2019?
Intro:damn, and it was just convicted six years later.
Javier:So that's math yeah, math, mike the bike number one?
Tim:like no, I think you're number two in that. I kind of want to know who commissioned if it's a
Intro:gold toilet. You're gonna number two in it for sure. Number three if you're lucky.
Tim:I feel like the gold toilet named America.
Javier:That's a number one attitude.
Tim:For those who don't know, I feel like the gold toilet named America is more relevant now than 2019.
Intro:Yeah, I mean. However, it was still.
Javier:I was going to say something towards what Hervey just said. He put Big, beautiful Commode BBC yeah.
Tim:So if you were going to commission a new one, a golden toilet, the Big, beautiful Commode would be a good one. I like that one. I was thinking of maybe on the lines of like what is that the whatever time machine thing? Magic time machine, no, magic Time Machine, that restaurant, you know the whatever time machine thing, the magic time machine?
JaeBoy:No, magic time machine, that restaurant, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
Tim:Be like, or like what is it? Dr Pedastrian's wonderful, whatever emporium?
Javier:You know this? Yeah, no, it's Mr Magorium's wonderful emporium.
Tim:Okay, whatever I'm thinking of like Trump's wonderful dump, that's a good one Something.
Javier:I'm thinking of, like Trump's wonderful dump, that's a good one.
Tim:Something along those lines. Yeah, yeah, that's what I would name it at this point Nice Trump or dumper. I can't think of a better piece of art to steal, though. That would make you a lot of money Because you could melt that down.
Javier:You could.
Intro:Yeah, that'd be. It's a lot of gold. It is a lot of gold. That is a lot of gold. I don't know how they? Gold is very heavy.
Tim:If it was like an, it actually was built. It was a group of people that grabbed it.
Intro:I understand, but I don't think you realize how heavy gold is I do. Like a commode. I'm curious to see how much that that's got to be like a 600-700 pound commode, yeah and I've held lots of gold bars in my life.
Tim:I have them buried in various places, but yeah, so, um, I feel like that would be like the. That's like the perfect thing to steal, like an art installation that has that. But like, do you remember like those, uh, those art thing it was? It wasn't even art, it was like to demonstrate, like how strong this glass was, and they had like a million dollars and I oh, yeah, yeah the security uh, oh, it is way less than I thought, glasses or gold is light.
Intro:No, gold is heavy. No, I watch.
Javier:I watch Gold Rush. I know it's self like it's not.
Tim:It's not heavy, but in a lot it's heavy it's it's very dense. In a bar it's like it's flake.
Intro:Yeah, it's nothing.
Tim:Right.
Intro:It's soft.
Tim:However, it's saying that this gold toilet was only 227 pounds oh, that's nothing I can write 227 pounds, though I mean of gold, of solid gold, that would get you so much money, yeah, and again you just, or a conviction but you just melt it down. Yeah, if they hadn't gotten caught it'd been fine. Um, yeah, those the mags. What was it max? What was the glass thing? The million dollars you said?
Javier:oh, I don't know, but it's a oh, I don't know. You remember seeing those? Oh, I don't know, but you remember seeing those right like they have like a security camera to show people like hitting it with whatever.
Tim:Yeah, like it was literally like on a strong on. They had them on the street and had a million dollars in this case, but the glass was so strong you couldn't get it. And I'm sitting here thinking. Whenever I first saw that, it's like why don't you just hook a chain to it and drag it?
Javier:yeah, yeah, pull it out of the foundation Like do the old ATM style.
Tim:Yeah, then you get your million dollars.
Javier:I guess I never saw the movie Barbershop, the first one where they hooked the chain to the truck, to the ATM, and dragged it out.
Tim:No, they didn't see Barbershop.
Javier:No, they should have Good movie. Shout out to Ice Cube.
Tim:That was a good movie. Cube, cube of ice.
Javier:All right, so that's all I've got Nice man Cool cool, that was fun.
Tim:Yeah, it's been a good one, so I would like for those listening to send us your hot takes on barbecue.
Javier:I thought you were going to say hot nudes. Send us your hot nudes?
Tim:No, send us your hot takes on barbecue. Tell us, I want to know from the people, I want to know from the people your hot takes what's your deepest, darkest secret About DFW barbecue? That's what I want to know, just like tell me how bad Haim is. Tell me how bad you know, whatever it is. Tell me you don't think you don't buy in the hype of barbecue at all. You think it's stupid.
Javier:Tell me the color of your.
Tim:Tell me whatever chonis Jesus. Also, I'd like for the people to send us a text message on our phone number. What's that number? Again, Javier 817-677-0408 tell us how would you survive a plane crash? Or would you just cry the whole time and then go ahead and rate, review, follow, subscribe, do all that stuff, and we will buy our own golden toilet at that point, because then we maybe could make some money. That'd be great.
Javier:I'd be the coolest man alive.
Tim:That's all I got. Anybody got anything else?
Javier:July 4th is happening. Remember that nobody is illegal on stolen land. Fuck ICE. Fuck you if you support.
Tim:ICE. I like ICE in my drinks because it's cold.
Javier:I like ICE in my drinks, but not in my streets.
Tim:I like Ice Cube, july 4th. Make sure you lock your pets up, don't let them outside. They like to escape because of the fireworks, all that stuff. Just be kind to each other.
Javier:Don't be a dick to your pets, hang on.
Tim:Wait a second, are we getting a call? We are getting a call. Oh no, we have somebody on.
Javier:Okay, hello.
Tim:Can you hear us? Okay, I can hear you. Oh, all right, it's J-Boy. J-boy has called us. What it do, boo. Oh, what it do, I missed you, boys. Hey so I'm glad you're on the phone, because I actually heard recently that somebody saw you walking a dog in a neighborhood.
JaeBoy:Yeah that somebody saw you walking a dog in a neighborhood. Yeah, I've been regularly walking my dog, lucy, in my neighborhood.
Tim:In your neighborhood that you happen to share with somebody. I don't know if you know this or not, but you share a neighborhood with Lance.
JaeBoy:Oh really, yeah, it's actually a coincidence, it's a crazy coincidence.
Tim:Yeah, he was really confused when he saw you, because you were doing some weird stuff or walking really weird. What were you doing?
JaeBoy:I don't know, I don't know about all that. I mean listen.
Tim:He's like who's this hoodlum? Why is he my?
JaeBoy:name.
Tim:Yeah, no, no, that's cool. All right, j-boy, now we got you on the line what you got going on.
JaeBoy:What's been happening with you? Well, I've been cooking, I've been just making a bunch of beats, just working on music for myself and for other artists. We've opened up a studio in Arlington Hell yeah. Yeah, it's pretty dope making big moves. Congratulations, and who?
Tim:are you with over in Arlington? Who's with you?
JaeBoy:I am with, of course, the boy Roan. I am with a guy named Ye Squeeze. He is the owner of the studio. It's called Black Cloud Studios. We shoot not only just studio stuff but we do content also, so we shoot pictures. I'm their main content guru guy over there, so it's just a lot of business stuff, a lot of uh like upcoming business stuff, and it's been going pretty, pretty great so far that's awesome.
Tim:Look at j boy making moves, killing, and I love it. I love to see that. Yeah, I've been.
Javier:I've been watching what's uh, this thing you and ernie are doing that I've seen on the the socials.
JaeBoy:Yeah, the Crazy Bars. I've Heard podcast. Yeah, we've been shooting the podcast. I think we're on episode 22 that we just finished recording Nice. Yeah, we're just interviewing artists talking about crazy bars I've heard. And then, you know, just embracing podcast life because I've grown to insanely enjoy it.
Javier:Hell yeah, man, that's great. I'm glad to hear that, and it's good to see you thriving.
Tim:It's funny, you caught us right as we're coming off right and I had the music on it just cut and I'm like, oh, we actually have someone calling us.
JaeBoy:Dude, I was getting some work done on my laptop and I saw y'all were live. And then I saw the phone number and I was like oh, I can't pass this. There's no way.
Tim:No, we want people to call us. We want people to call in and have conversations with us, for you know it's fun. You never know who's going to call. We had some, our first one. We had some random guy that just like he's a kid? I think he's a kid he's just like I like to call numbers on live shows. That was his thing. We're like all right, it was pretty cool. And then he asked us some like actually really hard-hitting questions yeah, I was like what?
Intro:why are you asking us these?
JaeBoy:questions. So tell us your life story. Why did your dad leave you at the age of nine?
Tim:pretty much, man pretty much. So you got some music going on, you got some other stuff, you got the studio going on.
JaeBoy:But outside the business stuff, how are you, Dude? I'm great man. Like I said, I'm thriving. I got a lovely girlfriend. We just hit our one-year anniversary, a couple months ago.
Tim:Oh yeah, I've had the opportunity to meet her. She is very lovely.
JaeBoy:Oh yeah, dude. Yeah, I've had the opportunity to meet her. She is very lovely. Oh yeah, dude, we went to ACL. We got tickets to go to ACL this coming up year in October.
Tim:Okay, cool.
Javier:Hopefully you run into Jared. As a matter of fact, I brought that up Because you posted that picture on Reddit, right?
JaeBoy:Of both of y'all.
Javier:And people were just like being so mean Dude.
JaeBoy:I was giving so much shit about that photo. I was just like what the fuck? And it wasn't that you posted on like a roast me Reddit either, it was just no, dude, I posted it on the normal ACL subreddit and I was like hey, look who I found. And they were like oh, oh, it's so nice that Jensen no, it is no Jared, it's so nice that Jared poses for the special needs, or some shit like that and I was like come on, bro, make a wish, that's great it was my make a wish and now he's going to be in the boys, my all time favorite show?
Javier:yeah, he is. Can I tell you one thing? So one of the last times you were on, now he's going to be in the Boys, my all-time favorite show.
Tim:Oh, you're right. Yeah, he is. I'm so stoked. Yeah, he is Nice. Can I tell you one thing? So one of the last times you were on with us, you talked about how you love Twilight and how we need to watch Twilight. And I tried to watch Twilight Same. I can't do it, man, I can't do it.
Intro:I got one and a half in. One and a half in. That's as much as I could do. I'm not talking about the movie.
JaeBoy:You gotta watch all five. Javier knows, bro, you gotta watch all five.
Tim:Jesse loves Twilight, but I'll tell you I tried watching it and what got me was whenever they were talking, the wolves. Werewolves were talking to each other, but like telepathically through their heads.
JaeBoy:I haven't made it that far yet.
Tim:I was just like, I can't do this. Spoiler alert.
Javier:I'm sorry, buddy.
Tim:I'm sorry. I feel bad, but I truly did try. I took what you said. You need to watch it. I tried watching. I can't do it.
JaeBoy:Look, man, it's fine. It's okay. It's not for everyone. I can't force people to watch.
Tim:You know, vampires and werewolves go at each other, it's fine I mean I watched okay, I watched all the underworlds and that's vampires and werewolves it's a sexy woman vampire I like that, oh yeah yo so speaking of vampires sinners yes, yeah, that was great um, so we've all. You did, you see it no javier hasn't seen it yet.
JaeBoy:Dude, the soundtrack's fucking fantastic really no, yeah, well, okay, if javier, if you have hbo max or max, whatever, the fuck. Saturday july 1st yeah, it comes out on the 4th, on the 4th, yeah I did see that.
Javier:Watch it, uh, I did see the scene where she spits in his mouth and I was like, just okay, hell yeah, just iits in his mouth and I was like oh yes, hell yeah.
JaeBoy:I saw that scene and I was like Javier's going to like that.
Javier:Oh my God, I'm like, please do that to me.
Tim:Watch it, michael B Jordan spitting in my mouth, please You're going to like it. You're going to enjoy it. Do you like Delta Blues?
Javier:Yeah, like the. Yeah, I do.
Tim:Yeah, uh-huh it, dude, it's, it's so good because they've got a lot of big fan like I, you know, uh, the guy from uh um, the one with george clooney.
Javier:Oh, brother, where are you? That guy that played with him? He's. I sold my soul to the devil.
Tim:You're gonna you're gonna like, uh, like sinners, and you know uh, originally I believe it was supposed to be uh michael bue jordan and uh boz Michael B.
Javier:Jordan and Bozeman, chadwick, boseman, you're right. Oh, wow, and so.
Tim:Chadwick passed away, and so they decided to go this route.
Javier:Man, I miss Chadwick.
Tim:Not CGI, but essentially it is a CGI.
Javier:They had someone playing opposite, but then they superimposed or whatever.
JaeBoy:Yeah, they pulled a social network with two, like with the Winklevoss twins. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Javier:I thought they were actually twins. I was like these motherfuckers.
JaeBoy:Oh, they're making a sequel. It was pretty hard to tell them. It was really realistic how the CG was.
Tim:It's so nice. Sinners is great. You're going to thoroughly enjoy it. I hope you watch it.
Javier:They're making a sequel of the Social Network Really.
Intro:That's weird Interesting.
Javier:I don't know how it's going to work, but I mean history continues.
Intro:You know what I mean. You're wearing the Metaglasses now, so it couldn't be.
Javier:Oh my God, You're right.
Intro:Jay Boyz good hearing from you, man.
JaeBoy:We're ahead and sign off. Um, you know what? Um go ahead and plug your stuff, just all right. What's up? Youtube podcast community, it's your boy, j boy. I'm on instagram at underscore j boy, underscore. I have been posting content every other day. You'll find me over there at black cloud studio shooting so much content. And, by the way, while you're here, while you're listening, follow the Funky Panther bro. They're a dope podcast. Javier with the meta glasses. I've been seeing content from him Like come on, bro, come on, you can't go wrong.
Tim:Hell yeah, thank you, buddy. You know what would have been really funny and I didn't do it. But sometimes you have intrusive thoughts, right? And my intrusive thought just then was like, as soon as you started to try to, as soon as you're going to plug, I was just going to hang up on you.
Tim:But I but I did it. I didn't do it and so, yeah, we, we, we love J boy and I look forward to seeing I like seeing the growth that you've got going on and I look forward to seeing all the different things that you're going to have coming out.
Intro:You meant to pronounce girth.
Tim:I like the girth that you bring to the room.
Intro:And I'm excited.
Tim:I'm excited for some, you know, maybe an EP or some new songs and different things. I like all the beats that you've got going out. You know you've got some pretty cool stuff happening, Hell yeah.
JaeBoy:Thanks, man, I appreciate it Proud of you man, Thanks man, man, I appreciate it. Proud of you, man. Thanks, man, I very much appreciate it all right.
Tim:So we're gonna let you, uh, we're gonna let you go, we're gonna sign off here and uh, that's going to be end of the funky panther tonight. So uh knocked it off with the, with the j boy coming in clutch at the last minute with a phone call thank you.
Javier:Night night sleep tight. Night night sleep tight.
JaeBoy:I miss y'all miss you too, buddy, we'll see you soon. All right, bye-bye, all right everybody.
Intro:If you don't already do so, please make sure you follow us on all things social media at thefunkypanthercom. Call text leave us a voicemail 817-677-0408.
Tim:Is the music going to come on? I'm trying to get it to play.
Javier:You have one job you have one no it's screwed up whenever. Uh, it's okay, we don't need music. What?
Tim:that's the intro I know, and I don't know why the the exit music's not playing. I can't figure it out.
Intro:Okay, well, j boy, you fucked it up all right, well, you don't have to play it, it's all good. Uh, stay good everybody. I'm chad, I'm javier and I'm tim and we are the funky. Better wash your buttholes everyone never gonna stop bring in laughs and stuff that'll blow your brain.
